Latest posts by techwriter (see all)
- Test Your Knowledge of 4 Basic Fonts – Drag & Drop - January 27, 2017
- How NOT to Design a Web Site - January 25, 2017
- Hazards of Poorly Written Technical Documentation - December 26, 2016
Doctors Without Borders direct mail package does so many things right that it’s worth mentioning here.
First off: they’ve got a great FREE OFFER that they announce right up front:
“Your Free World Map Enclosed.”
How can you not open that envelope? Who does not like a free world map even if you’ve got a dozen already?
Secondly, you turn the envelope, and there it is — a trust-builder hard to match:
“Awarded the 1999 Nobel Peace Prize”
Wow! They must be doing “something right”- correct?
I’m sure there aren’t too many organizations out there who are awarded the Nobel Peace Prize but if you’ve got even your Neighborhood Good Business Prize then don’t hesitate; flaunt it. Right on your envelope.
Two more great things about this direct mail package.
Aren’t we all worried “where the money is going to” when it comes to non-profits like this?
Fully anticipating such donor skepticism, DWB informs you with a very simple bar graphic that 87% of the money goes to Program Services, 12% to Fund Raising, and only 1% to Management and General.
Now that’s the kind of non-profit I’d like to contribute to. I like that 1% figure very much.
Then the map… The first side looks like any other color world wall map.
But you turn the other side and you see great highlights of the services DWB offered in different countries under different trying circumstances.
COLUMBIA – Populations Isolated by Violence
SUDAN – Assistance to Displaced Populations
UGANDA – Meningitis Outbreak
CAMBODIA – Expanding Access to Treatment
IRAQ – Assisting Victims of a Brutal Conflict
That’s good because without that the world map they gave would be pretty much meaningless.
However, as you can see, the copy is not even. The sentences do not follow the “parallel construction” rule.
It would be much better if all descriptions started with an action verb and reflected what the organization did for those local populations.
Here is the edited world map highlights with parallel construction:
COLUMBIA – Brought Health Care to Populations Isolated by Violence
SUDAN – Assisted Populations Displaced by Ethnic War
UGANDA – Treated Meningitis Outbreak Patients
CAMBODIA – Expanded Access to Rural Health Care
IRAQ – Assisted Victims of a Brutal Conflict
Once again, on the map, we are reminded by a simple pie chart that only 1% of the proceeds go to “Management”.
A very heads-up and professionally done direct mail package. Good job!