© 2010 Ugur Akinci
I receive a lot of SPAM.
99.9% is caught by my fantastic spam filter (Akismet).
Before I delete SPAM messages, I read some of them and find the exercise very educational.
I have no idea why these parties keep sending me tens of thousands of SPAM messages a year. But every time I read one, I’m reminded of how NOT to write on the web.
Here are some of the lessons that SPAM writers have thought me…
Or: What You Should Do to Get Ignored and Deleted Right Away:
1) Write things that have nothing to do with the subject matter of the web site in question.
For example: “Viagra on sale.” “Cheap wrist watches.” “Reserve your vacation today! Best prices ever!” “Some may feel squeamish about eating it, but rabbit has a fan base that grows as cooks discover how easy they are to raise ― and how good the meat tastes.”
2) Write sexually explicit pornographic messages appealing to primitive instincts.
For example: (deleted for obvious reasons)
3) Shower your reader with over-the-top praise without providing a good reason why the reader deserves it.
For example: “It’s a great post Man, you really are a good writer! I’m so glad someone like you have the time, efforts and dedication writing, for this kind of article… Helpful, Useful, and Charitable.. Very nice post!”
4) Write a personally intriguing message or ask an intriguing question in attempt to lure the reader click a link.
For example: “Is this you?” “Why did you leave this behind?” “I don’t care what they say about you but…” “I sat on this for all this time but things have changed, unfortunately…”
5) Try to stoke up extreme greed or extreme emotions by telling outlandish stories:
For example: all “Nigerian letter” scam messages… all messages about old ladies with cancer who are evicted from their homes in the dead of the winter… All “you’ve just won Zillion Dollars from XYZ Lottery” messages…
BOTTOM LINE: be real, be you, and they’ll read you. Play around at the edges and you’ll be deleted instantly.